Of Trust and Classes

It's a new concept to me, I must admit. Maybe because before I used to feel it, but only now am i grappling with its definitions. Why definitions? Because my mind needs to characterize and analyze and then implement (very comic trend if you ask me). I seem to have to deal with and fill myself with one word - Trust.

Until a few months ago, I used to wonder what trust is all about. Now it seems to be kind of clearing up. It's like when you trust someone, you tell yourself, there is no way they could possibly mean bad for you consciously. True they might muff up sometimes or might hurt you with their comments, but in the long run, their desire is to see you successful, see you do well in life. And if do something good, if something good happens to you, no one is more happier than them. You've got to believe that about them.

I've learned that it means you've got be honest with the other person, not worry about whether he or she will get angry, and that you shouldn't hold anything inside. If you have some problem, say it, all the while remembering that he/she will not judge you in anyway based on this single incident because in the long term you are a good person and have been then when required and thats what they appreciate about you. True sometimes, people might be busy, have other issues which they might not want to talk about, but then again, you've got to trust them and think, ok no problem, he/she will tell me if its important, otherwise, its something they can deal with on their own. It doesn't mean anything else.

I guess it also means, that if two people fight, you tell yourself, its only temporary and that you both truly care for each other and want the best for each other. And ITS TRUE!!! Thats where the trust comes, where you believe in the other person. This belief is not based on past history or on whether or not you had cornflakes for breakfast, but its just belief. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you believe in them because you do. Thats it. There is no logic to it. And that gives you a sense of security, that you can "trust" them, whatever it is. That kind of comfort is unlike any material comfort you can ever have. It gives you a sense of confidence in yourself too.

You might have your differences, your own quirks, your own idiosyncrasies, sometimes even to the point of irritation of the other person, but thats what makes you unique and thats what makes you crazy. And guess what, it doesn't mean squat, because the bottom line he/she trusts you and vice-versa.

It's very tough to trust, much more when your trust is broken by someone else. You keep putting one foot forward and are scared to lift the other leg because you don't want to trip and fall and get hurt. You get very scared to take that big step and in some sense "sell" a part of yourself to someone. But it has to happen man. I mean come on, sure you've made mistakes, sure there are times when you feel, oh shit, what if it doesn't work out, what if the same thing happens again and I feel more hurt. But don't let that one bad experience prevent you for going forward, there is/are one person/many persons who will be there for you and seriously you'd be losing a hell of a lot if you don't believe in him/her/them. You'd lose all those joyful times of hanging out, sharing your successes, being there for sad times, those bear hugs, those beer parties in the night, getting sincere congratulations, listening to the sound of their laughs, laughing at their antics/wise-cracks, and being there. And nothing in the world compares to the joy of watching a smile on the face of someone you trust and knowing very well that you put that smile on his/her face. It literally makes your day or even your week. :) And honestly, it's there for the taking for everyone.

You've got to stop picking on the bad points, and blind yourself to the good points. You've got to say hey we've had so much fun times, why don't I use those times and tell myself oh my god, I've got such a good friend! What the hell am I doing with the times he/she missed out. Those are like few and far between anyway and even if they missed out every time, even though I feel bad, I'll forget it, because they would probably be feeling worse than me about it, very sincerely. And they might be having genuine reasons why. And even if they've not come, forget it dude! Talk to them and say its okay, and that next time they should come. And still ask them the next time. THAT is where the trust comes in.

It means not talking for days on end and still knowing then when you talk later, you can smile and give each other a hug and catch up and talk like nothing ever passed by. It means always knowing that whenever you're in times of need, the first person you can turn to will be them and though they might not say they're sad or that they are feeling bad about it, they do really really care for you and would do anything for you if they could (okay maybe not sponge baths, but we'll be lenient). That is very important, because it gives you stability.

Oh and develop some self confidence while you're at it, because you are a nice person, and there is absolutely no reason why no one should not like you.

I hope this wasn't too naive. I certainly believe in everything I said and I hope my message is clear to all.

Yours Sincerely

Berhael

Of questions and doubts

I've always wondered, if you're hurt real bad by someone, what is the justified reaction? Do you shout back at them, fill yourself with hate for them, and wish bad for them so much that you just don't want to do anything with them for good? Or do you tell yourself, forget it, whatever it is, I will love you as I love everyone else. I've been wondering.

Another question I've felt is, why are some people the way they are, one day, they are your best friend, perfect compatriots, participating and listening to everything you do or say, and then the next moment, they're not there anymore. Anything you do or say, just doesn't matter to them. And while your feelings to them of care, good will, wishing them the best remains the same, the only feelings from their side are ignorance, sarcasm, waiting for the opportunity to bite at you, and making you feel bad. It does make you feel bad about yourself, about what happened to all that trust you place in that person. Why was that trust betrayed, where you the only one responsible? Or was it something combined, do people just go out of wavelength with each other like that? Or do they suddenly think they are more important to themselves than to you? I mean why did this happen? Could it have been corrected? And MOST IMPORTANTLY, can you place your trust in someone else again? Are you willing to place your foot out and tread the waters with someone else. And open up to that person. Would you trust them, maybe even blindly to believe anything they say, because of the simple fact that they are your friend and dedicate yourself, fully, mind body and soul to their trust.

And also, would you as a person, keep your thoughts private or public. Would you if you're hurt, keep it to yourself, or go and tell someone else about it. What if your trust in people is so badly mangled that you wouldn't wanna tell anyone but cannot keep it inside as well. How would you handle it. How would you take it.

Berhael

Of friends and timepass

I was lost, Searching for Answers
Many days, And nights of forlorn
Didn't know, the Meaning of Prayers
Had no one, To depend upon

Oh why is it me, just only me
I would sing to myself, in a tone so deathly

Then God sent me, A prophet of glee
An angel on earth, To set my soul free

Cause you are my heart, you are my soul,
You are a person worth yourself in Gold,
If there was a truth, A truth in life,
You're my true friend.

Those words, they would pierce my conscience
All days, and pangs of malice
Many nights, Of no existence
And tears, that were tasteless

It would hurt so bad, and Fill me with hate
And make me wonder, and create so much spate

Then my world changed, beyond my dreams
Through the darkness of hate, I saw your beam

Cause you are my guide, you are my teacher
You are the one, I turn to in danger.
If gratefulness could be paid for, you would be priceless,
You're my only true friend.

True friends for good, we'll share our joys forever
True friends for bad, We'll hold each other together.
True friends in all of life's mysteries
True friends come whatever travesty,
True friends comrades in life
What more in life does one need.

Cause you are my heart, you are my soul
You are a person worth yourself in Gold,
And now I have learnt, a lesson for life,
You're my true friend.

Written by Berhael

Of willows and exposure

New Manager for Indian team, one bowling coach, one batting coach, one fielding coach.
Player X says this, player Y says that, Coach X says this.. Player F is out of form, The team lost to minnows.. End of life as we know it.. Our national Pride is hurt. The Economy is going beserk.
Come on guys! National pride??? Look outside your window and see the slums! Oh wait.. this doesn't sell money, and I'm beginning to sound like Medha Patkar... Oh whatever.

Berhael